Why??

I really don't mean to get all emo, but lately I've been feeling like I've been making all the wrong decisions. I feel like even though I think before I speak, or do, it's still wrong, and I get burned. I always try to do what is right, and I try to be the one to be the bigger person, not just to be the better one.

I feel, I give a lot, but I don't get much in return. Finance class has taught me that the greater the risk, the greater the return. Lately, I've been risking a lot, but I've been crashing and burning a lot too. When am I gonna strike it big? I don't get it sometimes...why do I always get the shaft?

I think growing up around negative people has caused me to just instinctively be negative. I don't know why, but I can find the bad in anyone I meet, whether you're that person who always has to talk about yourself when no one else cares, or if you're that person who always have to have the last word in edge-wise, I always find that something about you that annoys me. So I will say this, YES, practically ANYONE who I have ever gotten to know, I have found something that annoys me about you. I don't know how to make this irritability go away, but I try...PROMISE!

You know, I think respect has a lot to do with all of this. I feel like I have so many things that work against me. I am young, or considered to be young in almost all aspects of my life. I am somewhat outgoing (at least to those who I get to know), this can be a turn off to some, the outsiders. I wish people would look beyond the years, and beyond the voice: I am smart, I know what I'm doing. If you give me a chance, you'll see that I'm not the stupid idiot that you think I am. It's hard to undo those first impressions.

Even though I am able to make friends, this thing inside of me makes me to turn, or lose them. I don't know how I will overcome this in the long run. I hope I figure out this key to my happiness soon, or else I will live a sad lonely life. If someone knows what I'm doing wrong...can you let me in??